Fartsniffers are those people who think whatever emanates from themselves is golden, while they dismiss with disdain the opinions, suggestions, remarks, and other contributions of those whom they perceive to have lower socioeconomic or educational status, which is pretty well everyone but fellow Fartsniffers because the typical Fartsniffer is a rich old white man, and in our society they are perceived to be at the top of the heap by many, and certainly by themselves. Fartsniffers enjoy the smell of their own farts, in short, because to them their farts smell like roses, and reality dare not intervene with the truth.
A Fartsniffer.
The salient characteristic of the Fartsniffer is an arrogant, smug enjoyment of their privileged place in society. This helps keep other, lesser people in their place. Not all rich old white men are Fartsniffers, but most Fartsniffers are rich old white men. It’s a big club, as George Carlin said, and they’re becoming more dangerous than usual because they sense the barbarians at the gate and the loss of their rightful privilege should the barbarians get in and undercut that privilege. It would be a moment like when Dorothy pulled back the curtain to unveil the great and powerful Wizard of Oz, revealing an ordinary man, or as the Scarecrow called him, a “Humbug.”
Some institutions as a whole are Fartsniffing Institutions, such as The New York Times and the Associated Press. Not every individual operating in those institutions is a Fartsniffer, but many are, such as David Brooks of The New York Times. It’s anybody’s guess whether the culture of an institution instills fartsniffery in its staff, or whether certain individuals predisposed to fartsniffery are attracted to a like minded institution, where their fartsniffing attributes can flower and flourish.
How do you know when you’ve encountered a Fartsniffer? The whiff of arrogance and narcissism combined with a sometimes confounding stupidity is usually enough to tip you off. If that first impression is not enough, then further observation will reveal a person who feels entitled to all that privilege has bestowed upon him, and often because he claims he arrived at his vaunted position in society entirely through his own diligent hard work and incisive acumen. Many times the Fartsniffer’s assessment of his own prowess lacks objectively supportable evidence. You’ll just have to take his word for it – he belongs at the top of the heap, and you do not.
George Carlin talks about the Fartsniffers who own this country in his Life Is Worth Losing show in November 2005 at the Beacon Theatre in New York City. Warning: foul language.
When you come away from a conversation with someone who believes their opinion is the only one that matters, and that your opinion is worthy only of scoffing, if not outright derision, then you’ll know you have encountered a Fartsniffer. Don’t let it get you down. Once you know what to look for – or smell for – you can avoid letting Fartsniffers into your life, such as by not watching pundit pontificating shows on television, where Fartsniffers tend to congregate. There’s no way to avoid them entirely, since they own and run many of the institutions we need in our daily lives just to get by, but their noxious effects can be neutralized somewhat by refusing to take them as seriously as they take themselves. The Fartsniffers will be out bloviating everywhere in the coming weeks as Election Day nears; to avoid getting buffaloed, adopt reason as your shield and ridicule as your weapon.
— Ed.
“A Republic, if you can keep it.”
— Benjamin Franklin, in reply to a question about what sort of government the delegates to the 1787 Constitutional Convention had settled on.
February 2 is the day some people, primarily in North America, attempt to divine the next six weeks of weather by observing groundhogs who briefly exit from winter hibernation in their burrows. If it’s a sunny day, the groundhog will see his or her shadow and, counter intuitively, those watching the animal will pronounce six more weeks of wintry weather. On a cloudy day, with no shadows in sight, the prediction is for an early start of spring weather. People in some parts of Europe have a similar tradition involving different animals, such as badgers in Germany and hedgehogs in Britain.
Emerging briefly from hibernation in February 2014, a groundhog takes leaves to line its burrow nest or toilet chamber. Photo by Ladycamera.
This is all silliness, of course, with no proof of accuracy, but it is mostly harmless except for possibly obnoxious intrusions on the lives of peace loving groundhogs. In ancient Rome, prognostication using animals took a more deadly turn. All sorts of animals – chickens, sheep, and goats among them – were confined until the day they were sacrificed for the purpose of having a kind of priest called a haruspex examine the dead animal’s entrails for signs of the future. This was deadly serious business, not only for the sacrificial animals, but for the generals and politicians who often did not make a move unless the signs from the entrails were auspicious.
There is no record proving the consistent accuracy of haruspicy (divination by the inspection of entrails), just as there is no record for the accuracy of groundhogs at predicting the weather based on the presence or absence of cloud cover on a particular day. Nonetheless, people have been wasting their time and efforts on these methods of divination for millennia. The ancient method, haruspicy, was a nasty business all around, while Groundhog Day observations cause little harm and are of no consequence.
The Danish National Symphony Orchestra performs a suite of themes from Ennio Morricone’s music for the 1968 Sergio Leone film Once Upon a Time in the West. Tuva Semmingsen performs the vocals that were sung by Edda Dell’Orso on the original soundtrack recording.
What about reading the signs of the times, such as looking at newspapers to follow developments in the republic called the United States of America? What about a Senate majority of Republicans who vote to exclude witnesses in the impeachment trial of a corrupt president? What about a Republican state legislator in Montana who maintains that the Constitution of the United States sanctions the shooting and imprisonment of Socialists, merely for being Socialists? What about the chortling lunatics cheering on Orange Julius as he threatens and demeans his opponents at his demented pep rallies? And what about those same cheering, jeering lunatics threatening violence if their Chosen One is removed from office either by impeachment or by the results of an election?
Those signs and others are easy enough to read for anyone paying attention to developments in order to honor the obligations of an informed citizen. There are those citizens, however, who are too lazy to pay attention. Very well; they should continue in their laziness and stay home on Election Day in nine months, rather than show up and vote for the incumbent president simply because the wolf is not yet at their door. And then there are those voters, more culpable in the decay of the republic than anyone else, who are interested only in the health of their financial portfolio, and who are deaf and blind to the cries and despair of anyone shut out of the bounty and suffering under the oppression of the oligarchy. The signs now point toward a Tyranny by Corporate Oligarchy, and if citizens continue to choose it by doing nothing, then after Election Day in November there will be no going back and we will have gotten the government we deserve.
— Vita
For those who can’t get enough of the sound of the loss of the republic, here it is on the theremin. Katica Illényi performs with the Győr Philharmonic Orchestra in Budapest, Hungary.
